It's Red

You: Is this orange?

Me: It's red.

You (taking off your deep red sunglasses and holding them against the fabric): No, it's not red. These [sunglasses] are red, so it can't be red.

Me (way too sweetly): Oh! Well it's red! The product came in listed as red and also I'm looking at it now and, yep, it's red!

Does Anybody Know Where I Can Get a Pair of These Fabulous Shoes?

I think they're Louboutins?

I am obsessed with glitter graphics right now. It is like staring into the apocalypse. Some of the faves:

I just like that mystery creature next to the vase...is that even a vase?
WARNING!! PIRITI AIIVSIIY



It’s not an old-fashioned chocolate sparkle donut unless you can really see that thing glimmer.



If appletinis are happening on a Tuesday, then what happens on Friday?


I guess this:


and...

...if you can read that, you're not drunk enough. Zing! Above artwork provided by graphics grotto.

Count the Times I Can Say Shimmer

In the lexicon of shimmer, there is a division between good shimmer and bad shimmer. Most shimmer ends up being bad shimmer or "mistake shimmer." It gets all over your hands and makes you look sweaty (on one end of the specturm) or like a sparkly member of a junior dance team. Products that disperse a perfect amount of light-reflecting particles give you that otherworldly j' ne se quois, making you look brighter, less tired and like you care the perfect amount about how you look. They exist, these products, but they're rare.

In summertime, you can get away with full-body shimmer if you're so inclined. I encourage you to try many of the widely available bronzing products. But if you are pale, like me, or if it's winter, you want to go easy. I found a product that is really expensive and seems to do nothin' much at first (sign me UP!). It's just a translucent goo that you spread all over your visage. But then it catches the light, delivers the subtlest most perfect amount of complexion smoothing, and makes you be in love with your face. YSL Tient Parfait (pic above). Also awesome: it comes in multicultural shades.

Update! My boss was so in love with this product that she splooged out a nickel sized glob onto her hand. I was like, yeah...ha ha...it's awesome..

Retail Talk.

(Note: This blog is now also about working in a store. Thanks!)

My new thing is chasing you around the store when it's 10 minutes till close. I follow you and re-fold everything you are folding and re-hang everything you carelessly throw back on the rack. I keep a distance of about six feet between us, and the more annoying you are (like if you are on a cell phone, or if you mention casually that you "know the guys at Rag & Bone," the less distance I put between us.

Sound obnoxious? Well, also, in my mind, I'm pretending I'm a really bad private eye that's been hired to spy on you.